Saturday, October 16, 2010

Whistle--DON'T ROAR--While You Work

Well, the house is clean. So is Ender. I'm not. >:(

This morning, I've had to force myself to think kind thoughts. I've had pretty good success, but I've also created my own inventive string of russafrussaprofanity.

Since Saturday is one of the two mornings we can sleep in, it just feels so unfair when we can't sleep in. We were drowsily aware of Ender playing around us when he alerted us with "I need to go potty!" Michael jumped up. I meant to, honestly, but my brain moves so slowly in the mornings that my body didn't get the memo fast enough. In the bathroom, Michael was so tired that he didn't think straight and therefore didn't help Ender aim...and boy, Ender really had to go. So he didn't pee straight. At all. The entire bathroom floor was slick with pee. Michael got cranky about this (quite understandably), so I sent him back to bed now that my body was realizing it ought to move. I tossed Ender into the bathtub and got to work.
But I had some grumbles of my own, and it was really hard to suppress the urge to holler and roar every time I stepped right into the pee or got it all over my hands or had to switch robes for dipping the edge into the pee. I kept trying to remind myself that I should be kind. That it wasn't that big of a deal (except that it really seemed like it was) and that it was no one's fault, really. And I had to keep reminding myself that I had sent Michael back to bed and didn't want him to have to get up and help me...right? Ohhh, it was a struggle. Terrible strain on a groggy, cranky brain.
Once the mess was cleaned up, Ender pooped in the tub. Of course. Just a little encore to the whole performance. I just rolled my eyes and took care of it. Sheesh.

In a small lull of peace when I got to study my scriptures (during which I was obliged to clean the bathroom yet again and take care of THREE incidents when Ender pooped his pants--my sanity was really frail, I tell you), I tidied all the rooms and cleaned up breakfast. As I was putting away a book, I saw an ENORMOUS BLACK SPIDER. Out of my reach at the edge of the ceiling and wall. Why is it I always encounter ENORMOUS spiders when I'm naked? It's like some cruelly warped Murphy's Law! So, shivering and squeaking, I seized the vacuum. But then, there's a problem: the spider's not squished if I vacuum him up, so how can I be sure he's dead? Oh no. :| No time to look it up online.

[Now that I have, I've learned that it's unlikely a spider will live through the experience. The dust and suction suffocate the spider, and if the vacuum has good suction, the impact may also kill the spider.'s not a 100% sure thing]

I came to the conclusion that I could burry the spider in all the house debris if I kept the vacuum going. So I vacuumed like a mad woman, spazzing every time I notice the string poking out from the shoulder of my robe and being excruciatingly thorough. When I encountered yet more spiders in the corners of my house, I watched sadistically as they struggled away from the tube only to succumb to its power. I felt like Andre the Giant in The Princess Bride: "THERE WILL BE NO SURVIVORS!"
Partway through, Ender pooped his pants. Yes, again. And peed on the bathroom floor. Yes, yes, again.
I deep-cleaned the bathroom again. Ender had another bath.
Also partway through, Ender came to me with a dandelion...uh oh. That means he remembered how to open the front door. Lovely: I'm still in my robe. I zoomed over to the door, slammed and locked it, and resumed vacuuming only to discover a shredded dandelion waiting on the armchair, which was one of the first things I vacuumed.
Another finale to the escapade: Ender pooped his pants. Mm-hm, that's FIVE times. Have you ever heard the phrase "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"? Ender and I had some impressive moments of silence. I slapped my legs and roared once but quickly apologized and zipped my lips once more.

And now I just remembered I forgot to empty the vacuum. Plus, I don't feel good. Plus, it's past lunch time and Ender's nap time. Ender is trying to make LEGO stairs, and it's not working, and he's mad. Am I mad, too? *sigh*

I feel like the fight has gone out of me. I mean, that's good, but I feel very bedraggled. What a difficult morning to plow through. It takes so much effort to maintain Good Mommy Vibes while coming back for more and more and more and more and more poo-nasty tasks --what a record, Ender! SIX poops! FIVE in your pants!-- (and ENORMOUS SPIDERS--that really frayed my nerves).

But I did it, I think. And now that it's about 2:00pm, I'm really, really hoping that either the biggest part of the day is behind me or I'm too worn out to be upset by any new adventures.
:( boohoo
I had a thought that came to me quite authoritatively...the principle that if you do a service begrudgingly, it's as good as if you never did it. All that work for nothing? Better whistle while you work!
I really tried. I did, I tried so hard to be calm and kind. I tried again and again and again...that's what counts, isn't it? I have to hope so.


  1. Oh Qait! I'm so sorry! I wish I'd been there to help you and cheer you up. Things could have been a lot easier with an extra set of hand around to help. :)

  2. But at the same time, Lynnae, I was glad we moved our playdate to next weekend, otherwise I'd be wasting your precious Saturday morning with poo!

  3. PS: Michael feels very bad, and he's very sorry, even though I don't blame him at all. He had a scary night last night (SOMEONE PULLED A GUN ON HIM AT WORK!), and he's still a little shaken up by I honestly did want him to go back to bed. He just wishes he hadn't. I love him. :)

  4. Q, days like this.....oh, you have my utmost sympathy/empathy. The days when it takes an almost-superhuman effort to maintain control of our tempers or tears or whatever, these are the days when I joke, "I earned sainthood today." ;D Not that I have to have a reward for working hard to keep my sanity and spare my kids' feelings throughout a difficult day, but this, I believe, is one of the reasons that motherhood is the work of salvation!

    Also, holy cow, I just read the comment about Michael's incident at work! HOLY COW!....I'm glad that he is whole and safe. Definitely saying some thank-you prayers on his behalf.

    Bottom line, though--I love you, and this time I'll use the real quote: This, too, shall pass.

  5. Dear Qait, I just want to say that I think you are doing great. It's easy to lose sight of how well you really are doing sometimes, when you are only comparing yourself to the best self you could be. (That's something I've been dealing with recently). I mean, it's good to shoot for that best self, but falling short doesn't mean you're not doing well. I think you're doing great because you are sincerely trying not to "lose it," like apologizing for roaring and just continuing on with the clean up. You are amazing.
    It sounds like it was an EXTREMELY difficult day. I just want to let you know how much I love you. I hope tomorrow is better. I hope you get to sleep in tomorrow. I'm really grateful Michael is okay too.
    You know I'm potty-training Drew right now? I was cleaning pee off the floor in the kitchen the other day, because I had brought his little potty in there and some had spilled, and I was thinking to myself that the phrase from A Tale Of Two Cities was appropro for potty training: It was the best of times and the worst of times. Don't you think? A sort of bipolar experience. But I never heard of a kid that ended up wearing diapers forever . . . so I figure there's a good chance it'll end well. But I really feel for you today. Also, I appreciate how you hung in there, and I hope I can do the same when I have a day that taxes me like that. I love you, Q.

  6. OH MAN do I empathize with you!! We are potty training Enoch and just getting past the constant messes point. Elijah was the worst - he figured out that if he messed his pants, he got a bath. So he started doing it on purpose. Seriously. Finally we started giving him cold baths/showers (not icy, but definitely cold enough to make it uncomfortable), and BOOM! the kid was potty trained. That stinker.

    ps. I vacuum spiders, too. Although I'm not usually ambitious enough to vacuum the whole house. I just leave it standing there, running, for a good five minutes just to make sure the spider is dead. :)

  7. wow qait im sorry!! i guess this happened a while ago but i just read this today.
    i can only imagine... to think that someday i will have to deal with that... :( i can only comfort myself by saying it will be worth it...
    and i agree with liz, just because you're upset... holy smokes qait, you TRIED not to be, that's as good as doing an act of service willingly because NOBODY is perfect and immune to feeling upset!! it's all about the effort.
    ive always wondered if a spider dies when being vacuumed! and i can understand the paranoia perfectly. i think i know why spiders tend to be around you when you're naked... i think it's because you're so often naked.
    just kidding.
    and about michael, i never replied! but i was sooo happy to hear he was safe. that is a really sick situation he was in and im sooo glad nothing happened.
    qait you are an incredibly loving/efficient mom and i think you're fantastic at everything you do... i had a chance to see that this summer. so just remember how awesome you are...
    i love you!


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