On the day I had no conscience, my sisters became one for me. [insert big sigh]
Actually, I appreciate it. I had a good reason for my plan of self-indulgence; I'm playing in a concert tonight, and since I tire quickly lately, I thought I would save some energy by "taking it easy."
I gave Ender a bottle and stayed in my pajamas. The kitchen was kind of messy, the living room looked more like Ender's playroom, and our bed wasn't made. I was having fun playing with a stickfigure animator on the computer!
But then I read my sisters' blog and just...well...Abby did the dishes, Liz did the dishes, Rae did a heroic mommy act...I finally realized the house just couldn't suffer a day of mess. Even a partial mess--there's no way I'd have time after the concert, Thursday will be busy in my preparation to leave and with a meeting in the evening, when I'm gone all the house will be under Michael's power of cleaning...which is not bad, it's actually splendid, but combined with his time available for doing it?
So I did the dishes, and while I was in that "GO" mode, I cleaned the rest of the house! Then in the middle of this, I went and folded laundry. I've got Megan's baby Audrey here now, and I'm having fun imagining she's mine to see a bit of what it's like to take care of two babies. Like I thought he would, Ender really wanted his mommy's attention, too. He didn't seem jealous, just that he wanted to join in on the fun! While I was rocking Audrey, he crawled to the chair and pulled himself up. I lifted him so we could all rock together, and he smiled at the silliness of rocking on my knees. But he soon got a little fussy because he wanted me to hold him. That was okay--Audrey had fallen asleep, so the challenge was in helping Ender down with a safe landing. I enjoyed the puzzle of it all.
Ender's getting some one-on-one time (not that he hasn't played with me a lot already). Just to remind him he's loved.
While I folded laundry, I threw socks onto the chair so he could play with them. He thought it was the best! It was almost magical to me--as much as I avoid using the word for its tendency to sound cheesy--that he was having so much fun playing with me, smiling his beautiful smile every time I tossed a sock, purposefully letting it brush his head on the way to the chair. He would then swish the sock to the floor and concentrate on how to get down to play with it. It entertained him for about half an hour!
The fireplace has him entranced now. But of course, as soon as I write that, he's on to something else (the National Geographic on the coffee table). And now Audrey's diaper bag. Hah!
I always know I feel better when the house looks better. It's one reflection of what I do all day. So why do I ever think I don't care if it's clean? And I should hardly think it's so burdensome when it's not, because unlike LOTS of women, I am actually quite blessed in the strange way of liking to wash the dishes, enjoying vacuuming, relishing in organizing things to the last detail. I love order (but thankfully I'm not a nazi about it)!
My mom always told me she wasn't afraid of a mess. Somehow, I was lucky enough that that rubbed off. In fact, I think it's cool when it looks messier than it is, because then I can pretend I did a grand thing cleaning it all up!
I just had to laugh at myself one evening when I was setting the table; I scooted the placemats just so, I turned the rounded-square plates to line up, I set the cups at equal angles, and shifted the forks on their napkins until everything pleased my particular sense of order. I smiled as I did it all, thinking how silly this would seem to anyone else. If Michael happened to turn his plate another way, it wouldn't matter. It was the presentation of the meal that mattered so much to me. I love art, I love food, and I love art in food.
Now I think I'll take my "GO" mode one step further and take care of myself. I'm unshowered as of...nevermind, I won't tell you how long it's been. Suffice it to say I'm in need of some pampering!
And Ender just crashed a hundred CDs to the floor. What a curious little boy...I think I'll rescue the music!