Today I got to rock Ender to sleep while I read "The Little Prince" by Antoine de Saint-Exupery aloud to him. He needed me, and I needed him. I read it to him when he was about 1-- this time around, it's really fun to see what bits and pieces catch his attention and just how much he does understand. We're perhaps more than halfway through with this having been our second session. Each time he has urged me to keep reading when I've put the book down. It's a favorite of mine; this won't be the last time we read it.
I have always loved rocking Ender to sleep. I love to hold him and help him relax. This time, he was so very tired. But he claimed he was hungry (erm, he screamed that he was hungry), so rather than making it a battle, I let him have a little bowl of cheetos, the only solution to his hunger, in his mind. And he was so sleepy that he fell asleep several times with a cheeto in his hand and finally with the last cheeto in his mouth, sticking out halfway. If only someone else had been home to grab the camera for me!
I love to gaze at his dark, long lashes. They were still a little wet from his tears. And he had cheeto crusties all over his rosy little mouth.
Somehow in this last week, it has been more obvious to me how little Ender is. I'm usually impressed with how much he's growing and how big he's becoming (especially when I remember how tiny newborns are in anticipation of meeting Scarlett). Lately, instead, I've been struck by his small features. His perfect little face. His darling childly ways. My boy, my baby. I love this child more than any other in the world, and it's going to be incredible to love another like this and see them love each other. I already know it's going to squeeze the throbs out of my heart.
I do already love Scarlett. It's not even an abstract love, and she's just as bound to my heart as Ender is. But I do think that love will get to leap to a new level when the baby can be cradled in my arms and we can swallow each other with our eyes. Oh, Scarlett. You are loved. You are eagerly awaited.