I feel just a teensy bit guilty. It's okay--it's okay. But I do.
I read this, and it's very true and well-said. But sometimes it's hard to read about things when you need it most. Because it's hard to want to change.
Specifically? Lately, I do tend to live for the naptime moments, the late night hours, the sliver of time that's my own in the mornings...I'm so tired, so tired that even saying "I'm so tired" makes me cry. I'm SO PREGNANT!
And watching someone else's baby for 9 hours a day and caring for my own son as well is definitely something I'm happy to do, but it's taxing in its own ways. I wouldn't expect it to have zero effect on me. Still, at the same time, I've not been good at enjoying very much of the day. Not this week.
So I probably needed to read that reminder from Mommy J (whose blog I don't yet follow--just happened upon it and took the liberty of linking for the sake of giving proper credit--is that taboo in the blogworld?).
:(
I feel like Eliza Doolittle: I'm a good girl, I am.
I TRY. (Oh, there we go, that made me cry, too). I'm so glad to find moments of joy, and I do find them. It's just that lately those moments are especially short, and I have to try especially hard to find them.
You know, maybe? Maybe: this is just a pity moment, a pregnant moment, an emotional moment, and I'm even more okay than I thought, and I should just avoid blogging while I'm so...
yep, more tears:
PREGNANT/TIRED/VULNERABLE/EMOTIONAL/ETC.
But I wanted to write, because I want to be better. I want to try harder. I want to be affected by the wonderful things I read, especially when it seems that I really needed to read them. I want to learn, I want to grow.
It is simply exhausting, which on this pregnant body is expressed with a nuclear hormone explosion.
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ReplyDelete(It's perfectly acceptable to link to someone else's article; in fact, in keeping with unspoken blog etiquette, you're just fine)
ReplyDeleteMy darling Q. Remember that Heavenly Father knows the deepest desires of your heart. He knows exactly what you are capable of at any given moment....and He knows when you have run out of reserve and simply need to rest. We aren't meant to go all-out all the time; pregnancy is a process, slow and sometimes arduous, and one that I think more than any other time requires us to listen to our bodies and cater to the messages given to us by aches, pains, exhaustion, emotions that crescendo with surprising quickness, hunger....I read this and my take (though I know you didn't ask for it; bear with me!) is that you are being awfully hard on yourself! You are pregnant, you have a 2-year-old, and you babysit a 6-month-old baby girl five days out of the week. That is exhausting just to TYPE OUT! While it is of course ideal that we find joy in the here and now, I hope you don't shame yourself for completely understandable exhaustion and for looking forward to that alone time, which I know is for you when you recharge the best. You can't fill cups with an empty pitcher. So fill your pitcher. Naps. Good food. A few moments alone here and there, where needed.
I love you!
(And please, if you didn't want any advice or any encouraging words, I understand! Just throw this comment out the window....)
I'd never! Your comment is comforting and much needed. I'll email you. :)
ReplyDelete