I will stick this to the theme of AUDREY.
I have been a sort of nanny for Audrey all semester.
And at first it was very hard.
I love babies. But when I'm pregnant, my love for babies seems to pull inward and devote itself to the very precious baby growing inside me. I feel less interested in anyone else's kids. Add to that some crazy hormones, and we're talking about a potentially dangerous Jekyll&Hyde woman. No, I am not proud.
So there were times this semester that I struggled with my temper--a temper I thought was left in the past with the last tantrum I ever threw at age 9 or 10, my last "hurrah." I discovered that I could snap at anything, and I didn't like that. I'm so glad Audrey's mother is my friend. I felt able to be perfectly honest with Rachel when we had hard days, and she understood me. I felt comforted to know that if I ever did feel like I needed to back out, I could. Without being judged.
As I struggled with all of this, I held on to the hope that I'd conquer my temper and rise up champion at the end of the semester. That's where my important lesson comes in. I learned that even if it was only for this semester, my temper was to be a constant struggle. The constant effort to maintain self control would strengthen me more than a one-time showdown reminiscent of Rocky's amazing debut thing (sorry, I've never seen the movie, so if I'm wrong, whatever).
And that's how a lot of the most important challenges work. Time is always a key part of trials; it's the endurance that really matters, the endurance that can teach us to be Christ-like.
That said, I love Audrey. And she is darling. And we had a great semester. I learned all kinds of awesome things, especially about my skills with babies (not just with Audrey!):
- I actually don't mind changing diapers. It's like, so what, change it. (Isn't that cool?)
- I am good at spoon feeding babies and keeping them clean--and myself!
- While I'm not 100% successful, I'm good at calming babies and helping them fall asleep.
- When I sing, I cannot be angry.
- I can deal with the tricky choreography of keeping two kids happy! And...
- I can forgive myself and be calm when I can't keep both kids happy.
- I love to serve, and in the long run, it means more to me than my own comfort:
- I can get up in the morning even when I'd rather not (don't you agree that's a big deal?)
- I cherish alone time. I knew this before, but now I know it even more.
- If I decide to do something, I can do it.
The teaching semester for Rachel has ended, and I am finished watching Audrey. I feel extremely proud of Rachel for completing the year and graduating (!), and I am really excited to have a few months to focus on Ender and growing Scarlett and summer fun.