*Just in case you wonder, buoy is pronounced BOO-ee, as long as you're American. I guess everyone knows that, but the spelling throws me off so badly that I have to remind myself, and I figure there's someone out there enough like me that maybe you didn't know!
A post like the last one kind of needs an epilogue, don't you think?
I am so blessed. I needed relief today, and while I secretly hoped my harp student would surprise me and cancel her lesson, I geared myself up (and put on nice clothes) and determined to make it the lesson she needed.
Guess what? It was the lesson I needed, too. After all, service is the best medicine for me. So when Judy came for her lesson feeling guilty that she hadn't practiced, I helped her feel better by genuinely caring for her needs instead of worrying about the technicalities of expectations--or whatever you'd call it. Judy left feeling very encouraged and excited about being more involved with the harp even in little ways.
As she left, I smiled to myself (and really, to Heavenly Father) that that had been just what I needed, too. I needed to doctor someone else to get my own dose of medicine.
Audrey's mom (who is also my friend) called, and I felt that I should remind her how I enjoy watching Audrey. I told her honestly that I really love to take care of Audrey. Even on the hard days. She is a sweet baby, and as I talked with her mom, I knew I really don't have any hard feelings towards Audrey.
There was a series of days, even weeks, that I struggled with my temper. Watching Audrey those days was really trying sometimes. But even during that time, when I was something of a Jekyll&Hyde Mother, I tried to be clear-minded and careful about what I said and did because I felt so eager to grow out of my temper problem. I think I did, with prayer.
By the way, as an interesting thought I'd like to share, I think those difficulties came not only from some unruly hormones--oh yes, this pregnancy definitely had a hand in it--but from a worry that Audrey and I would become too attached to each other. I worried for her sake and her mother's that we would grow too close. After all, I watch her about nine hours a day. It's a real concern...although at the same time, I know I can't replace Audrey's mother. I know I don't mean the same thing even in my best love for Audrey. It's just that when Audrey crawls to my feet and says what sounds like "mama," I want to shake my head and remind her it's not me. What I think it comes down to is faith. Audrey's mom and I both prayed about taking this on. And we both felt right about it, in every way. I need to have faith that because this is right, Heavenly Father will bless Audrey and her mother. Me, too. I can love Audrey as much as is possible for my heart (and I'll be frank--I've got a lot of love in my heart to go around), and Audrey will know she's loved and will know her mother loves her. You can't give a baby too much love.
The biggest difference from this morning to now is that I've felt very blessed, very loved. Heavenly Father knows my heart, and even if the rest of the day proceeds like the beginning, it's alright. I've still got my buoy from the first round.
POST-EDIT: When I wrote the last post, I felt tempted to joke about how nobody had better call me today since I felt weepy...but I thought to myself Oh that's stupid, that's like me saying I don't need anybody, and I know I do. Well guess what? Long-time friend Keri from Germany called and we're hanging out this Saturday. And my sister-friend Lynnae and I are figuring out some time to hang out this weekend as well. This reminds me of the time I prayed for help to stay awake during devotionals in college and Heavenly Father blessed me with not one but...five? six? boys asking to accompany me to devotional.
Heavenly Father likes to do that. I guess I forget how much I'm loved. :)